EXCUSES FOR WHEN YOU DONT WANT TO SOCIALISE

(Thank us later)

                                                1. Me and my rice need a bit of alone time.

                                                2. I need to put my rice to bed, maybe later.

                                                3. I saw a bad cloud in the sky, it's a bad omen.

                                                4. I have pneumonia.

                                                5. My curtains are sick.

                                                6. I have work*.

                                                7. My hair is greasy, I can't be seen in public. (probably true, tbh)

                                                8. I just got this new water bottle I want to be alone to try it out.

                                                9. I have to sharpen my knife collection.

                                                10. My poster fell down, I'm too sad to go out. 

*work = netflix

LIFE UPDATE: RICE CHANGE

WHAT TO DO IF SOMEBODY WANTS YOUR FOOD:

1. Point them in the direction of the nearest shop.

2. Tell them its specially crafted gluten free vegan but NOT ORGANIC.

3. Eat the entire portion in one mouthful then look them in the eye as you exit the room.

4. Kill them.

5. Point them off in the direction to which they should fuck.

6. Say 'its not actually food this is a hologram. I'm just really tech-y.'

7. Start shouting that the apocalypse is upon us while you shovel it into your face dramatically.

8. Sing adele songs to the plate. The person will leave.

9. Yodel in the person's face until they cry.

10. Tell them it is your special rice. Use a tone that makes them intrigued, but don't explain why. They will think about it for the rest of their lives.

EAT YOUR RICE LIKE THE RICE PROTECTOR YOU ARE.

Note to self: rice

We were both young when I first ate you.
I close my eyes and the chilli heat starts:
I'm sitting there at a shack table in rotten air.

See the rice, see the party, the chilli sauce.

See you make your way to my mouth

And say, "Hello, "

Little did I know...

That you were rice, you were hot and spicy,

And my daddy said, "Stay away from infusion"

And I was crying on the shack staircase

Begging you, "Please more rice"

And I said...

Rice, take me somewhere we can be alone.

I'll be eating; all that's left to do is cook.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,

It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

So I sneak out to the paddy field to see you.

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes... escape this field for a little while.

Oh, oh.

'Cause you were rice - I was a hungry person,

And my daddy said, "Stay away from pizza shack"

But you were everything to me,

I was begging you, "Please don't go"

And I said...

Rice, take me somewhere we can be alone.

I'll be cooking; all that's left to do is season.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.

It's a love story, rice, just say, "Yes".

Rice, save me, they're trying to tell me what to eat.

This love is difficult but it's real.

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this eggy mess.

It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

Oh, oh, oh.

I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever cook.

My faith in you was fading

When I met you at the university superstore.

And I said...

Rice, save me, I've been feeling so alone.

I keep waiting for you but you never cook.

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out an egg and said...

Fry me, you'll never have to be alone.

I love you, and that's all I really know.

I talked to your dad - go pick out a nice bowl

It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes".

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

'Cause we were both young when I first ate you

Today is a very special day

When Uta turns 20, ay!

What can i say?

I hope its been a rice filled day!

You are my BAE

HOORAY !!!! !!! 

Damn

You so hot

You so spicy

You so saucy 

all over me

I am rice

I want your red

Hot goodness

You are chilli sauce

I am your rice

I live in a shack

I have a clothing rack

I have to pack

All my clothes are black

What am i?

Rice

you are nice

very low price

nice

You is smart

you is loyal

i appreciate you

nice

my one true friend

till the very end

i will love you

nice

when i go to bed

pictures of rice

dance in my head

nice

sorry for eating you

you were a good friend

rest in peace

nice