WHAT TO DO IF SOMEBODY WANTS YOUR FOOD:

1. Point them in the direction of the nearest shop.

2. Tell them its specially crafted gluten free vegan but NOT ORGANIC.

3. Eat the entire portion in one mouthful then look them in the eye as you exit the room.

4. Kill them.

5. Point them off in the direction to which they should fuck.

6. Say 'its not actually food this is a hologram. I'm just really tech-y.'

7. Start shouting that the apocalypse is upon us while you shovel it into your face dramatically.

8. Sing adele songs to the plate. The person will leave.

9. Yodel in the person's face until they cry.

10. Tell them it is your special rice. Use a tone that makes them intrigued, but don't explain why. They will think about it for the rest of their lives.

EAT YOUR RICE LIKE THE RICE PROTECTOR YOU ARE.